PAGE IN PROGRESS What you see here is a page of my hypertext book POWER of meanings // MEANINGS of power. Initially empty, this page will slowly be filled with thoughts, notes, and quotes. One day, I will use them to write a coherent entry, similar to these completed pages. Thank you for your interest and patience!
Empathy exchange: we need to take turns giving each other empathy There needs to be an understanding that both sides will receive empathy in an interaction Empathy is like tango; it take two to tango, it takes two to do empathy
Power to understand another person’s perspective: Sky’s conflict at the pool with the stick IT’s developmental - Sky might not have it yet so it’s hard to use what you don’t have Most adults do have this power but they do not necessarily use it because it requires significant effort
Mean/stupid or sick (pathological, not normal - connect to “norm”)
Imagining people we dislike, whose actions we disapprove of as children. How did they develop their coping mechanisms, how did they develop their worldview. It is tough to imagine someone we strongly dislike as a child and try to understand how they became who they are
The importance of purpose: song “so I guess I’ll have to do it while I’m here”. People often do something because they really care. Telling them that they are wrong is not the best strategy. They chose this purpose, it matters to them.
empathy: understanding limitations of the other person’s power and the power of circumstances
Jenn's research about solutions journalism: if we are informed just about problems, our engagement and empathy are decreased. They are only increased if we also learn about solutions. It is easy to call people "bad" because they seemingly don't want to help somebody who needs it. But perhaps they just don't know how? Because they cannot envision a solution, it is easier to disengage, or even resort to blame ("it's their fault anyway").
Developing empathy to people we dislike. First you need to do know why it’s important (my research about power), then you need to know it is possible (loving kindness meditation) Then actual practices:
imagining the other person as a child; personality disorders can stem from our upbringing- use link to quora in inbox)
Imagining yourself in their place
Describing their feelings and needs (going beyond mean and stupid)
On forgiveness: power of forgiveness. Benefits for the person who forgives:
Forgiveness is not a talent that you either have or don’t have. It is a skill that takes a great deal of effort, willpower, and motivation. It must be practiced. The effects can be profound. Nelson Mandela was once asked how he was able to forgive his jailers who had locked him up unjustly for 27 years. He said, “When I walked out of the gate, I knew that if I continued to hate these people, I was still in prison.” https://www.tenpercent.com/meditationweeklyblog/writing-a-forgiveness-letter
Idea that I did not create but that I believe in: you should not fight violence with violence. What’s the alternative? Fight violence with compassion. Three objections: it’s too difficult, it’s just not logical to get through the violent ones instead of helping the victims. To the one I can say: it takes effort, but you can do it little by little. To the second one, the answer has two parts: (1) why can’t we do both? (2) in order to explain the logic behind it I decided to create a whole theory, a theory of power. Different way to say it: people say: why should I put an effort into understanding someone I hate?
James Gee, Intro to Discourse Analysis, chapter 10, "Deep canvasing " to trigger empathy